A message I can't say.

"Hey, dear. I'm sorry for not being like what you hope. I'm sorry if I made too much mess. I'm sorry if I had disturbed you. If I can rewind time, I would change my attitude towards you the first time we talked. That time, you didn't know me. That time, I liked you for what you are. So, we tried to get to know each other. We became closer and I moved too straight forward, telling you that I liked you.We shared good times. But, then I blabbered too much. I talked (and still talking) too much about me,whom I don't know. I made you jealous without realising much, and felt happy because you did. I was unfair to you. I'm sorry. I changed, a deed I always do every time. You became tired of me. I understand. But there's nothing I can do."

"Now, the tide turns. You started to go away from me (and that's what I feel). I made you leave me. My fault, I know. To the near future, I don't know what will happen. But read this: I adore you. I can't stop adoring you until, we split up. Until you go somewhere far, while I am in the other side of the globe. I miss you. But,maybe right now I'm just a object of your sarcastic jokes."

Well, well. Give applause to the writer for writing something she couldn't say directly. (haha, it doesn't make sense). Lame, isn't it? Oh, maybe that's just the real her. A coward. Nobody knows. Not even she, herself.

FINAL EXAM

Hey. Long time no write. lol. Yea, I have been busy with my life. Not only studying for my finals which starts on Monday, but also with social stuff and all. In short, I am now a bit stronger to face this society. Still, I don't understand the whole thing, but I'm getting used to this. I try to. Girls are girls. I have to take care of myself and walk tall against their mouths(understand what I mean?). And, I have my girls. I love them. I do my best to understand them, accept their strengths and weaknesses, and be there for them. But of course, I am a human. I am not perfect. I just wish they can understand me and accept me for who I am.

Many things have happened during my absence. Fight, jealousy (as usual), misunderstandings, confusion (oh, this is my job: to be confused). My reactions may be not the best, but for now, it's doing okay. Lots of things have happened to my relation to this person. It seems like we were history. But we do still contact each other. RARELY. Sad, I know. However, life goes on and tide turns. I was in the up, and now I'm in the lowest place. I should be patient. Even if this person doesn't treat me like before, we're still friends. Even though this person stabs me from the back, oh well, we're humans. I try to feel like what I feel and hold back. I think it's better. But, hey.. I'm not that kind of girl who sits at the back, taking all the unfairness to herself. I'm aggressive. Well, that's me. And if I am not like what that person thinks, I'm sorry then. I wasn't born to follow orders from that person. and blablabla. Whatever. I still love that person.

If people ask me about how I do my life, I'll answer. But it is not reliable as I change often and fast. I'm like a chameleon, even I, confuse myself. People holds on to that. They will see me as a jerk. Oh, whatever. I'm still alive until now although that is how I do. What I believe is: the constant thing in life is change. So, don't be too precise in planning what's ahead.