UN is A FAG! MALAYSIA IS TOO MUCH!

Folks, I watched a news program on the tv, and I got all fired up. I sense something unfair. Right now, Indonesia and Malaysia have another fight. It's about the settlement of borders between the two countries. Malaysia got it started, in my opinion. They caught our officials on our own side of the sea. Well, the borders at the site is not clear yet, there is a complication there. But, at least, Malaysia could respect us. They could tell the officials if the borders was passed, not catching them. They started to disrespect us, Indonesia. We protests, but then, the authorities of Malaysia warn us.

Hello, WE ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULD WARN YOU. Yes, the way we do the protests is hard, remembering to how many times Malaysians had disrespect us. They kill our workers in Malaysia, they perform our unique tradition like songs and dances, and said that those are theirs, they even entered our part on the sea without permission. They let 2 warships enter our sea, but we TOLD them to go away.. we DID NOT ARREST them. they take it all easy on Indonesia. No shame. Please, they should not put head too high up on the sky, they can act such, because they got Britain behind them. They are not independent on their own. I don't know who is responsible for this. I got some Malaysian friends, but they are not such. They respect me and I do so to them. So, who can we blame for all this?

I also heard our sociologist said that this border problem was brought to international level, It was stuck on coral seizure. There was 3 corals on the borders, and the conflict was on Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia. International world said one is for Malaysia, one for Singapore, and one is for which country that the coral is at. WHAT AN UNFAIRNESS! It was Clear Indonesian's sea. Why didn't they say the other coral was for Indonesia? This is weird. I'm so sad. The world can't be depended on. We know Indonesia is a third world country for now, but every part of the world should receive the same service from the world, from world leaders. Can't they see how this will affect the world in later years? UN is no good. Disband the UN. I'm sorry, but I thank God, I know what is fair and what is not and PRACTICE them in my life, not like some country and International organisation.

Thank God It (was) Monday.

Why "was"? Because I am so very late to write this post. It was on Monday, I, at last, got accepted in a university. Well, it is a private university, but I got a field I wanted the most: Medicine. Yes, my path to becoming a doctor is now opened. I realise, being a Medicine student is going to be hard. Everybody knows about it. They say that medicine students will not have time to have fun like others in a different subject. They say, from the start of our academic years to the end, we will face things that make us busy eternally. Honest, that puts me down a bit. But we won't know life before we try. And I think, in our every choice, there is a chance of success, depends on how we do them. Be positive! that is the most important thing. Great things, great endings.

But, sometimes people around us don't understand about this. Maybe because they love us too much, they prevent us from doing something that has a potential to succeed us. They'll say "don't dream too high, it hurts when you fall". Well, that can't be said wrong, but people fail before they succeed. That's how life goes. Have you ever heard about people being succeed without feeling the pain before? I haven't. This is the global principle of succeeding. Isn't it "there will always be a first time"?

I fail and this is a trial. KEEP ON BEING POSITIVE!

Folks, Let me start with a bad news. I failed the university entrance test. Sad, yes, but that is logical. Why not? I chose the subjects that need the highest score: that is Medicine faculty of the two most favourite universities in my country. I do feel bad for that, but it is not actually for myself. It is for my parents. I don't know how much they will feel dissatisfied and upset because of this. I used to be clever in all subjects during school days, but... it does not seem as if I'm still that clever.

As for me, I'm easygoing. I believe if I don't get this, then it is not my way. Or, that university is not meant for me. Now I'm not sure if being a doctor is my way, and, to be honest, I have always thought and still thinking about being a psychologist. My mindset is that my education can help me when I become a mother. Being a doctor, I can open a self-practice at home and being close to my children. If I become a psychologist, then I can understand my children the best, especially when they get into their adolescence phase. I don't really like a subject that, when I get the degree, I have to leave my family and get to work. Damn, that is boring and hurtful.

As a woman, I should have at least a title on my name, and also income. Whether it is active or passive income, as long as I have money. So I don't totally depend on my hubby. That is what really want.

Well, it is not good to always look upon bad things. We should be positive thinkers to succeed,right? The good thing is... I don't know. LOL. I guess staying alive is a good thing. Yea, because if you're alive, even though you fail right now, you can try again and again to reach whatever your goal is. But, if you're dead already, then.....

We should thank God for everything the Almighty has given us. Everything in our life is precious.Even things that are in our eyes negative, may actually be a bless in disguise. It is up to us, how we see things, how we respond to life challenges.

Boring Monday

Folks, Monday is a working day in every part of the world,right? People always have something to do on this day. People get to work, children get to school. Nothing like freedom is available on Monday, except when it is a national day. while people are outside, I am sitting inside the house, going on line, doing nothing, feeling bored and started to write. This is what they call free from Monday? No! I shout it, no! This is no way a freedom. Do you know why? Because I am not allowed to go outside. I'm bounded by something called rules!

One or two rules would not hurt, but rules not to go outside?! That is an offence. I am a woman of freedom. I have the right to have my freedom and the right to do what I want.This is a jail for me. I live in my relative's house, and that means my parents still have their eyes on me. Darn. This is sickening. My parents does not let me to have my own decisions in my life. I want to try things in this life. I want to have experience in things.

All this time, I realise I spent too much money on useless things. However, this time I am trying to change me. I want to try to succeed in life. I want to be active in the society, getting people under my influence little by little so that later, there will be an easy access to everything for me since my connection is wide. See? I am thinking for my future. But,can they see right through me? See what I really want to do? They don't even give any support, not once in my memory. All they do is rejecting my ideas, telling me I have no initiation and all those stuff that would let down any children, any teenagers in this world. Or, they will be neutral. They never put their hands on my shoulder: think so positively to what I do. All they want me to do is submissive to their commands, although they may let me go too late for chances in life.

Like right now, during a Monday, a busy day, I'm just sitting here, with nothing to do. I actually have a lot in my to do list, but they must be delayed or even cancelled because of the disapproval of my parents. Is there anybody who can tell me what to do? Let my parents live my life? or what?

decision

Hello,readers. This time, I have something in mind to share. not like the last time I wrote, this time, I will finish all my thoughts, no "to be continued".

For your information, at the moment, I am doing a business. This is not a very risky business, not one with complicated procedures. A very little capital needed, a possibility of high income. Who doesn't want it? I have no problem about it, but there is one thing that is preventing me from my struggle to succeed, it is my parents. Parents.

Just so you know, before I started doing this business, I asked for my parents permission. I text them, emailed them, but they did not call me. So, I take the initiation to start doing it. I thought, They would allow me to try, at least. Because I haven't used their money yet, and I would not anyway. I will strive to use everything from my own hand. But then, yesterday, my so-called father, called and start shouting at me, telling me I have no permission to do this. Hey, I have already done it. And I will not stop doing it. I will prove it to your face, dad. That is my promise, keep that in mind.

I can't think of an ultimate reason why they always disapprove my things.

All they do is just confronting everything I do, complaining and complaining, and so, in the end, I might be a woman of no position, I do what people tell me to do, I don't do what people tell me to not do, I am a total servant of the world. Total loser.

I don't want to be like such. I'll ask them to read a book titled " the Cashflow Quadrant", written by Robert T. Kiyosaki. This book has the reason of why I do this business. I'll show them that waiting will make me a loser. Waiting until I graduate from university is fatal. Can you think, in this crisis, it is getting harder to find a good job. If I keep on waiting until I get graduated, I will have the difficulty to get a job. Even doctors. One of my teachers said in the next 5 years, doctos will knock on people's doors to ask if there is someone sick in the house, according to how "much" doctors will be in this world.

That is why I decide to try this business. I don't know why my parents doesn't let me doing this. If the reason is that I haven't been accepted in any university, I am still trying. I never put down that one. I will get a place in university as a student. NO need to worry. and by the way, why do we get into universities? to get a good job,right? But reality says that there is so very little job opportunities around here. Then, what is the studying for?

If the reason is to open our mind, creating a new way of thinking, in this business, we are being taught the same, so, in other words, I have no loss.

But of course, I will still get into university.

I just hope my parents would open their mind about this, and stop calling me bad names, I hate it. And one more, let me decide what is best for myself.

What is maturity?

I remembered about someone told me that I am childish. For my age, that is not a good thing. That is what he thinks. Well, after thinking about it for a while, I guess that is both true and not. It is true that have my immature characters, but I do have my mature sides,too. People don't live in a 2 dimension world. We live in a complex situation, where we can't judge something looking only from one side. For example, maybe somebody is very bad in maths, but he might be a genius with words and persuasion. Back to which side we are seeing. I, as a human, grow and become mature with experiences I got in life. But, if I ratify it, I'd be confused. I tried to ratify it once, but I end up acting like a real baby. It's all in the mind, if I might say. Hm, got stuck. I'll continue if I have the time. LOL.

Oh, my Indonesia.

Good morning/day/evening, readers.

Today I'm up with a hot news here, in Indonesia, where I am at right now. Have you heard about Sri Mulyani, the Minister of Finance of Indonesia, being asked to work in World Bank? And she chose to work there, the President has approved it. Wow, honestly, I... don't know what to feel. There is a feeling of amazement, well, the world must approve of Indonesia now. In contrast, isn't it a loss for Indonesia? Sri Mulyani, as everyone would know, is a very intelligent woman, a perfect strategy-maker, whom made Indonesia's money matter gotten better. Well, I think, she should stay in Indonesia, for a better future. But, of course, most people would drool over the chance to work in a very very very cool bank, that would give them a promising future. Great income, easy life, cash- oriented. And why would she reject it? patriotism? Heh, she even got stuck in Indonesian politic. The case of Century Bank? That is one aspect. She was involved in this corruption problem. Well, God knows about this matter. It hasn't cleared up yet, and she is still being interrogated for this. Whether she is guilty in this matter, still, the money she got in here is far less than what the United States' Government can give. I don't have the right to dispute against it.

That is one example of Indonesia's retardation. Well, I'm not trying to talk bad about my own country, I'm just being realistic. As any country would know, Indonesia is well-known for its corruption problem. That is true. The representatives are not doing what they should do. Most of them live in ease, easy money, easy live, hedonism. While, on the outside of their houses, there are poor people, whom just for a plate of food, they must drag their feet, dig up trash bins. While the big bellies laugh, the living- skeletons cry for their under-nourished babies. To compare this country to other first - world country, this condition in Indonesia seems to resemble the condition of the developed country during the 18th century. I think, every country would need these phase in becoming developed, that's why third - world country are said to be "developing" country. But how long should we wait until another revolution, that lead us to modern theatrical stage without poverty behind the scene? This country should change. I often hear about the amount of money used here and there in Indonesia, that is actually can be suppressed. The problem is, back to the authority - holders. People who are used to use expensive stuff, would reject cheap ones, although the quality differs a little. This is one problem. Many people know that Indonesia has a mass number of poor people. If the money used to satisfy the representatives, the ministers, the whom- income-are-great is so very much, when shall the poor live a proper lifestyle? They should realise how they would destroy this country. We - Indonesians primarily - should, too. We can not live in this state no more. We must understand what is going to happen if we serve others first. Well, what's going to happen is good,then. We should think about our personal benefits later. That is for a successful life. It is hard to achieve this, as this selfish attitude has grown in the heart of the nation ( even my parents are like that!), but why can't we change it? That what the rebellion in young people's hearts are for. Rebellion for a better future. Rebellion for success. Rebellion for justice. And that is up to the youngsters' hearts and mind, and some adults who understand. I wrote this not to spoil the bad things about my country. I wrote this to share my view about my own country which has a lot of potential to be great, as great as United States right now, or maybe even greater ( no offence,dude). I just hope for the best for my country. This is one way I can participate in politics. Politics should not always be thought by brain, but also coordinated with a heart. No brain should work without feeling.

I may be am a narcissist but I'm not a romantic.

Lol. Well, that is one random fact I try to figure out. Last night, my significant other was being sweet in text messages (something he rarely does). Well, I just figured out that I messed it up. lol He used emoticons, and I messed it up with words. haha. well, yea, dear. I aint no romantic. Please, keep being one for me. But still he is a mood-changer (from good to bad, that's what I mean) at all time.

Just so you know, life is okay now. I got things going on simpler than last month. I guess because one problem is over. I am no more a highschooler, and not yet a college student. Getting into university is a harder task, I realised. Most of my friends already got their chosen subjects in universities, but I haven't. I'll get one, hopefully. Well, gotta study more!

Errr...

How long have I been silent?

teehee. Well, I had been okay in these days, with nothing routine to do, except sleeping, eating, chatting, online, and taking a bath/shower.

Talking about taking a bath, I feel so dry. I mean, dry, literally. I was taking a shower like, for only 2 minutes, and mny skin has started to become dry, like grandma's hands. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MY SKIN? urgh. I feel old.

These days, I actually have a lot to think about. But, somehow, I just feel like a baby. No worrying. Geez, this feels great at the moment, but when I come to realise it, it'll be like hell to me. I better realise it now.

hm... I went to a friend's house. I met the mother, and the second brother. They are nice. I did not feel very strange to that house. Hm. better not talk much about it. But still, this friend is not very friendly. urgh.

Hm, what else? Oh. I pass the National Exam! Great! now, I'm no more a high-schooler. XD I'm a fresh graduate! However, I still have to succeed in getting into medicine faculty. oooh, this is a life full of targets and problems.

I wish I can get my motorcycle when I'm a college student. boohoo. really wish for one.

well, those are on my mind right now. Those are still lots of things I haven't write. Got no idea what. I'll write more when I remember them (and have the gut to). Take care now!

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/najanaja

shooosh

lalala! Long time no write. How is everything? so so. Not good,not bad. But I feel my change now. I feel like a girl. Yea. I feel like being told all dilly-dally and sucking romantic stories. I feel like crying and being comforted by someone. Ha-ha. Such a spoiled girl. I should've been more mature. I should steer away all this nonsense. God, I can't. I want to be taken care like a little girl. Darn. Don't tell me I'm going to repeat my history. Please, God. Don't.

A message I can't say.

"Hey, dear. I'm sorry for not being like what you hope. I'm sorry if I made too much mess. I'm sorry if I had disturbed you. If I can rewind time, I would change my attitude towards you the first time we talked. That time, you didn't know me. That time, I liked you for what you are. So, we tried to get to know each other. We became closer and I moved too straight forward, telling you that I liked you.We shared good times. But, then I blabbered too much. I talked (and still talking) too much about me,whom I don't know. I made you jealous without realising much, and felt happy because you did. I was unfair to you. I'm sorry. I changed, a deed I always do every time. You became tired of me. I understand. But there's nothing I can do."

"Now, the tide turns. You started to go away from me (and that's what I feel). I made you leave me. My fault, I know. To the near future, I don't know what will happen. But read this: I adore you. I can't stop adoring you until, we split up. Until you go somewhere far, while I am in the other side of the globe. I miss you. But,maybe right now I'm just a object of your sarcastic jokes."

Well, well. Give applause to the writer for writing something she couldn't say directly. (haha, it doesn't make sense). Lame, isn't it? Oh, maybe that's just the real her. A coward. Nobody knows. Not even she, herself.

FINAL EXAM

Hey. Long time no write. lol. Yea, I have been busy with my life. Not only studying for my finals which starts on Monday, but also with social stuff and all. In short, I am now a bit stronger to face this society. Still, I don't understand the whole thing, but I'm getting used to this. I try to. Girls are girls. I have to take care of myself and walk tall against their mouths(understand what I mean?). And, I have my girls. I love them. I do my best to understand them, accept their strengths and weaknesses, and be there for them. But of course, I am a human. I am not perfect. I just wish they can understand me and accept me for who I am.

Many things have happened during my absence. Fight, jealousy (as usual), misunderstandings, confusion (oh, this is my job: to be confused). My reactions may be not the best, but for now, it's doing okay. Lots of things have happened to my relation to this person. It seems like we were history. But we do still contact each other. RARELY. Sad, I know. However, life goes on and tide turns. I was in the up, and now I'm in the lowest place. I should be patient. Even if this person doesn't treat me like before, we're still friends. Even though this person stabs me from the back, oh well, we're humans. I try to feel like what I feel and hold back. I think it's better. But, hey.. I'm not that kind of girl who sits at the back, taking all the unfairness to herself. I'm aggressive. Well, that's me. And if I am not like what that person thinks, I'm sorry then. I wasn't born to follow orders from that person. and blablabla. Whatever. I still love that person.

If people ask me about how I do my life, I'll answer. But it is not reliable as I change often and fast. I'm like a chameleon, even I, confuse myself. People holds on to that. They will see me as a jerk. Oh, whatever. I'm still alive until now although that is how I do. What I believe is: the constant thing in life is change. So, don't be too precise in planning what's ahead.

sob sob.

Well, I'm in the peak of this confusion. Problems are messing up with my mind. If problems are people, I would just kick them, punch them, kill them. There is this one thing that takes the space of my brain the most. It is actually nothing too worrying, but cuts deep. I'm making this problem, yet I can't take control of it. No one should know more about this. Let me keep it to myself. I'm just writing the outline, to release a bit of this melancholic, lame feeling in this so-called heart. I fell and it hurts. Why must at this time when I need my full concentration on my studies? Hm. I can't set this thing aside. troublesome, isn't it?

regret

I made a lot of mistakes. I don't know where to walk anymore. I am not understandable. Even me, myself got dizzy figuring out what I am.Inspirations have become so shallow and I limit myself from good things. I don't know what else to hope. I feel being so reckless. I promised myself and had fallen from it. It has been happened more than once. Just.. How should I lead my life? I've lost my light. Since when? I don't know. Should I just take myself away from this society? Or what? Really, I'm heart-broken and confused.

I wish I can go back in time..