I skipped a day or two, didn't I ?
It was very late at night when I thought about doing my blog. It was around.. 11.25 p.m. n I had to go to school on the next day. So I skipped it.
The weird thing is, I drank coffee at that night, and still I got so sleepy before midnight. What is wrong with me? Did I drink too much caffeine before and my body became unaffected by it anymore? Then, what should I do if I get sleepy in a very important meeting or something?
And today as well! I got very sleepy at unfavorable time! IGCSE exams are coming, and if I can't study properly because of this sleepiness, I'm going to FAIL! yes, fail; a word nobody likes.
I made a self-study scheme for myself at home n it succeed for three days now. I hope I can keep it on going until the showtime. However, I can hardly trust myself. Because, every time I initiated to do anything good for myself, a little evil-ness can distract me. It is hard for me to be good. Ha ha.
Now, I think, if I get sleepy during the exam and fall asleep! All trying and struggle in maths and physics will be worth nothing! OH,God! please, let me pass and go to college or anywhere, except repeating my studies.
Oh, I can't write much from now on! today is 31 of March and tomorrow shall be the first day of April! IGCSE will start on 12 May for me! it's like.. 1 month 11 days from now on! So, I should ignore anything else and focused on my studies! I have to ignore what's happening around me as well. Ugh, it's hard, because right now, I'm discovering bits by bits something I should not know about some friends at my school. I guess, without me, trying to find it out, It'll reveal itself anyway. Althuogh it seems not fair. Okay, wish me luck.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
"preaches"!
Sunday is the first day of the school week here in Qatar. I'll have to go to school on Sunday when everybody else in other parts of the world will be sleeping or having fun. Therefore, I will start another boring school week tomorrow because tomorrow is Sunday. Now, it's clear that today is Saturday, right? I know it's nonsense.
Today I went to my Islamic course. I was late and my mum could not stop "preaching" me and my brothers about 'being late and your future' and, honestly, her high-pitch voice hurt my ears (because I sat beside her when she drives)! ouch! Besides, how can we be not late when the family members are not co-operative?
I woke up at some minutes past 7 a.m. - we should go at 8 a.m. - and no one had been ready to go! My brothers were all playing, Nofal with the PS2 and Nibel with the computer. The youngest one, Norman, was painting and pasting shapes that cannot be called a shape. My mum did not bother to force them to get ready, (maybe she did for hundred times and got tired) she was sweeping the house. So, I fed Norman, as asked by her, and took a shower. Then, I spent about 20 minutes in my room, deciding on what to wear, and another 20 minutes getting dressed up. My mum was shouting a "preach" for sure.
To make it short, then we went. All along the way she could not stop telling - shouting, to be factual - us about "lateness and future". I was glad when we arrived, because at last, my ears relieved.
At about 11 35, she picked us up after we've been left there waiting for about 20 minutes. In that 20 minutes, fights had happened between Norman and Nofal. Nofal is really a destructive brat. That time, fortunately, no harsh preach was given. When we arrived at home, I changed my clothes and helped in the kitchen. I fed Norman his lunch (he ate by himself, I was just giving him the plate) and I ironed Nibel's, Norman's and my clothes. The good thing was, my mum was sleeping, which means, I had to hear no angry preaches. Everytime she is awake, situated in the house and being amongst us, she is always angry and dissatisfied about everything we do. When I delay doing chores she asked me to do, she would get angry. But, when I do the chores, ( the boys never help her) she always have bad comments about how I have done it. What can we do? we are adapted to this kind of life. When we were young, we were rarely helping her in anything, because we had a servant in the house, back in Indonesia. We have no servant here in Qatar and that turned her to be this fierce and stressed. I guess she is not used to do all chores by herself.
Anyway, When I finished ironing the clothes, I went to swim with my friend. When I came back, she was standing in the kitchen, asking me casually, " where did you go?" with a sarcastic expression on her face. I just answered, " I went to swim," not less casual. I went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. I realised my towel was wet, so I sneaked in to her room, taking a new towel and went straight back to the bathroom. I put some clothes in the washing machine and turned it on before I went back to my room. Just to prevent more "preach" from her, of course. After wearing my new pyjama, I went to the kitchen and found her talking to a neighbour. I was glad, because when her friend is here, she would redeem herself, focusing her mind to her friend and stops her preach from breaking the house again.
After the neighbour left, I hurried to my room to prepare for the books tomorrow. I locked my room, because Nofal was annoying me, but the main reason was to flee from being her target to preach on. During my introspection of my school academic life, I realised that IGCSE exam is one month left from now. Then I made a self-study system to follow everyday at home. I hope I will do what I planned, because it is waaay harder for me to motivate myself than motivating others.
The house was breaking again when I study, so I got distracted and lost my appetite to "eat" the book. I went to the source of noise, which was my brothers' room, and found one bed was wrecked. Wow. Their room that looked like a shipwreck, was now looked much worse than the "neat" pig's barnyard. With books put unorganizedly on the malfunctionned table and the smell of a cat's family house, it was now updated with the latest blocks of wood with nails on it, and a space in the centre, which looked like a dug grave. Bored, I went to the computer to write this blog. She was still PREACHING ! With a lot of struggle ( I ignored her hurting preach and tried my best not to look at her) , I keep on blogging.
Now, I am afraid when she passes by, because I am updating my facebook and I'm not supposed to. Teehee.
Life is hard for me at times when my mother is preaching, and that means everyday, everytime. There are many times when I plan to finish school as fast as possible and start my college life away from home. But, of course I have the times when I feel lucky having this family. Nothing is constant in our lives.
Today I went to my Islamic course. I was late and my mum could not stop "preaching" me and my brothers about 'being late and your future' and, honestly, her high-pitch voice hurt my ears (because I sat beside her when she drives)! ouch! Besides, how can we be not late when the family members are not co-operative?
I woke up at some minutes past 7 a.m. - we should go at 8 a.m. - and no one had been ready to go! My brothers were all playing, Nofal with the PS2 and Nibel with the computer. The youngest one, Norman, was painting and pasting shapes that cannot be called a shape. My mum did not bother to force them to get ready, (maybe she did for hundred times and got tired) she was sweeping the house. So, I fed Norman, as asked by her, and took a shower. Then, I spent about 20 minutes in my room, deciding on what to wear, and another 20 minutes getting dressed up. My mum was shouting a "preach" for sure.
To make it short, then we went. All along the way she could not stop telling - shouting, to be factual - us about "lateness and future". I was glad when we arrived, because at last, my ears relieved.
At about 11 35, she picked us up after we've been left there waiting for about 20 minutes. In that 20 minutes, fights had happened between Norman and Nofal. Nofal is really a destructive brat. That time, fortunately, no harsh preach was given. When we arrived at home, I changed my clothes and helped in the kitchen. I fed Norman his lunch (he ate by himself, I was just giving him the plate) and I ironed Nibel's, Norman's and my clothes. The good thing was, my mum was sleeping, which means, I had to hear no angry preaches. Everytime she is awake, situated in the house and being amongst us, she is always angry and dissatisfied about everything we do. When I delay doing chores she asked me to do, she would get angry. But, when I do the chores, ( the boys never help her) she always have bad comments about how I have done it. What can we do? we are adapted to this kind of life. When we were young, we were rarely helping her in anything, because we had a servant in the house, back in Indonesia. We have no servant here in Qatar and that turned her to be this fierce and stressed. I guess she is not used to do all chores by herself.
Anyway, When I finished ironing the clothes, I went to swim with my friend. When I came back, she was standing in the kitchen, asking me casually, " where did you go?" with a sarcastic expression on her face. I just answered, " I went to swim," not less casual. I went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. I realised my towel was wet, so I sneaked in to her room, taking a new towel and went straight back to the bathroom. I put some clothes in the washing machine and turned it on before I went back to my room. Just to prevent more "preach" from her, of course. After wearing my new pyjama, I went to the kitchen and found her talking to a neighbour. I was glad, because when her friend is here, she would redeem herself, focusing her mind to her friend and stops her preach from breaking the house again.
After the neighbour left, I hurried to my room to prepare for the books tomorrow. I locked my room, because Nofal was annoying me, but the main reason was to flee from being her target to preach on. During my introspection of my school academic life, I realised that IGCSE exam is one month left from now. Then I made a self-study system to follow everyday at home. I hope I will do what I planned, because it is waaay harder for me to motivate myself than motivating others.
The house was breaking again when I study, so I got distracted and lost my appetite to "eat" the book. I went to the source of noise, which was my brothers' room, and found one bed was wrecked. Wow. Their room that looked like a shipwreck, was now looked much worse than the "neat" pig's barnyard. With books put unorganizedly on the malfunctionned table and the smell of a cat's family house, it was now updated with the latest blocks of wood with nails on it, and a space in the centre, which looked like a dug grave. Bored, I went to the computer to write this blog. She was still PREACHING ! With a lot of struggle ( I ignored her hurting preach and tried my best not to look at her) , I keep on blogging.
Now, I am afraid when she passes by, because I am updating my facebook and I'm not supposed to. Teehee.
Life is hard for me at times when my mother is preaching, and that means everyday, everytime. There are many times when I plan to finish school as fast as possible and start my college life away from home. But, of course I have the times when I feel lucky having this family. Nothing is constant in our lives.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Another unfairness!
aah... Friday. What a weekend. I woke up at (about) 6.45 am. I remembered today is the day my father would go back to my beloved home country, Indonesia, to accompany my grandma. Days before, my mum told me to tell him what I need to buy from Indonesia. It's just embarrassing to tell him of what I need. I won't say undies and stuff like that to him. Although he's my dad, still I don't feel good asking a guy. It's better to tell a woman. and.. I want a gown! light blue or purple satin. for prom, of course. But I didn't say nothing to him. I was jealous - and still am jealous- of him flying to Indonesia by himself and canceling my vacation plan to Indonesia without discussing it with me! How could he do that? I mean, a family needs everything to be done by discussions and agreements. Furthermore, we are a family of SIX and I am a TEENAGER! I really need to travel out of boredom and run around like a monkey with my friends back in Indonesia, as teenagers are supposed to. Dad treats me like a little 5-year-old child who needs everything to be done by someone else. Well, some parts is true. But for the things I strive for, I would do everything by myself. When I have the mood for it, I have the go. He said I need to just ask him about something I'm certain and serious about,but he never agrees to one of my questions! That's why I would just wait for him to decide what's good for me (he thinks I can't live my life by myself).
I really miss my friends in Indonesia. My best friends here said that they would go back for vacation and they'll meet up without me if I don't. How sad. We even planned on what to do when we get back, but then when my father said it's cancelled...
Dad cancelled the vacation because mum doesn't want to go back. I know why. It's because if dad goes back to Indonesia with all of us, including mum, we'll be heading to his mother's house.
For a long time, there has been a fight between my mum and his mother. When we were going home from the airport mum started to flashbacks all her bad memories from my dad's family. From her stories, it seems like she is the one who gets all the losses. Although I sympathise her, I still want to know the truth. I'll ask her (my dad's mother) when I get back, well, I really want to. I guess I have to be my next-year- age (17) to be seen old enough to ask such question. It has made me leaking my tears for sometimes when I hear about it. I hate crying and feeling sad. I should end this sadness!
This problem could never shed away from my mind when it's not finished, right? But maybe, when I know the truth, I might be even more depressed of this family problem. What do you think? It's just I don't want to have a pair of parents whose parents are hating each other. This'll ruin me and my brothers ( I have 3 younger brothers)!
Her other reason is because we have nowhere to stay and feel completely comfortable. That's true. Last 2 year's vacation was not 100 percent enjoyable. I feel bad for making my relative's house as my family's nest. They made our meals, they shopped for us, they did everything for us. That's just not fair for them. There's no place more comfortable than our very own homes, right?
This is not fair, but I guess there's no other choice beside following the trails of my life. Maybe next year I will have my chance to go back and sort out all my problems there. Let's hope for the best.
Oh.. I'll text my dad about my needs and please... comment or answer my question above. Thank you. :D
I really miss my friends in Indonesia. My best friends here said that they would go back for vacation and they'll meet up without me if I don't. How sad. We even planned on what to do when we get back, but then when my father said it's cancelled...
Dad cancelled the vacation because mum doesn't want to go back. I know why. It's because if dad goes back to Indonesia with all of us, including mum, we'll be heading to his mother's house.
For a long time, there has been a fight between my mum and his mother. When we were going home from the airport mum started to flashbacks all her bad memories from my dad's family. From her stories, it seems like she is the one who gets all the losses. Although I sympathise her, I still want to know the truth. I'll ask her (my dad's mother) when I get back, well, I really want to. I guess I have to be my next-year- age (17) to be seen old enough to ask such question. It has made me leaking my tears for sometimes when I hear about it. I hate crying and feeling sad. I should end this sadness!
This problem could never shed away from my mind when it's not finished, right? But maybe, when I know the truth, I might be even more depressed of this family problem. What do you think? It's just I don't want to have a pair of parents whose parents are hating each other. This'll ruin me and my brothers ( I have 3 younger brothers)!
Her other reason is because we have nowhere to stay and feel completely comfortable. That's true. Last 2 year's vacation was not 100 percent enjoyable. I feel bad for making my relative's house as my family's nest. They made our meals, they shopped for us, they did everything for us. That's just not fair for them. There's no place more comfortable than our very own homes, right?
This is not fair, but I guess there's no other choice beside following the trails of my life. Maybe next year I will have my chance to go back and sort out all my problems there. Let's hope for the best.
Oh.. I'll text my dad about my needs and please... comment or answer my question above. Thank you. :D
Thursday, March 26, 2009
the "cracking" day of prefects.
Yes.. cracking. We had chemistry today and we talked about cracking alkanes. We thought that the teacher - who is also our form tutor - would be absent. I was late and I had no idea she would be late like any other day. I did the class register - I am talented to be a prefect, aren't I?
Back to the subject, we almost had fun, knowing the first period of the day would be an unknown free lesson. And... there she came, disrupting our free period. Well. I would not say "ruin" because she's one of my favourite teacher in that school.
She looked hurried. I told her that I did the register and she answered " I know. The driver is late". I whispered to my friend "that was not even a question, miss," and she laughed. I understand exactly what could be the problem. But, CHILL, miss. I am often late and she always says "okay. you're in," and why does she had to be so tensed to be late because of anybody else's mistake? Hey, nobody is perfect. Not even the headmaster.
Oh, I remembered. Maybe it was because the CIS came to the school. By the name, I thought it was the CSI school version. Thinking like this, gives me goosebumps. Brrr! Our management leader, who was once our physics teacher, told us the previous day that we should be obeying all the rules of the school for just this one day (perhaps because we NEVER obey them) and that this visit is something important for the school's future as one of the best international school in the world. Sure, that time will be when me and my peers had long gone from the school. We'll be the primitive inhabitants of the futuristic- promising-going-to-be- school. And this CIS visit rumbled my day. I was, at last, being a prefect in the school. Eventhough it's not like a real prefect system, at least I can wander around, confessing I'm in duty, and free myself from the class I dropped. Most of us year 11s are prefects and monitors. Today, the principal said that we're not going to activate the prefect system - only at break times. Oh, no no no! i need to eat at break times.. So I put off my "prefect" badge. The bad thing was I did not know where to go during my free class! So we (me and one of my best friend) decided to stay in physics lab. with my another best friend whose boyfriend was having a class there. We were, as usual, loud and fun, but not as fun as when my other-other best friend is around. We're not completely fun with one of us missing. Then the other year 12s came and played table-tennis on the lab's desk. Later, the class went back to the lab. and we decided to move to chemistry class next door to prevent disruption of their study. When we were "hanging out" in chemistry lab, I found out that my other-other best friend was also having free period. I initiated to fetch her, but then the "monitor" said everyone should stay in the class. I went back empty-handed (like it's something like fetching a very valuable thing LOL). When my bestfriend went to fetch her... wow! She was magically following behind her. IT WAS UNFAIR! the "monitor" did not let her out when I fetch her, yet she allowed my bestfriend to take her away from the class. NOT FAIR!
And then the four of us spent our time in chemistry lab. It wasn't as lively as usual.. it was rather dull. But, what can I do? I can't guess what they were thinking. Life is just mystery.
As we get older.. the more quiet we become. I guess what the elders said about "Quiet means maturity" is right.
Afterall, Thursday should be the most fascinating day of the week. because two days after Thursday are weekends! But... with the presence of physics in the day.. it's just another boring schoolday. I don't know why I don't like physics so much. I just don't have faith in it. I tried my best many times and often ends up with C. I'm just not talented in it. God had created me with strenghts and weaknesses.
And my life continues. What can I get tomorrow? Only God knows.
Back to the subject, we almost had fun, knowing the first period of the day would be an unknown free lesson. And... there she came, disrupting our free period. Well. I would not say "ruin" because she's one of my favourite teacher in that school.
She looked hurried. I told her that I did the register and she answered " I know. The driver is late". I whispered to my friend "that was not even a question, miss," and she laughed. I understand exactly what could be the problem. But, CHILL, miss. I am often late and she always says "okay. you're in," and why does she had to be so tensed to be late because of anybody else's mistake? Hey, nobody is perfect. Not even the headmaster.
Oh, I remembered. Maybe it was because the CIS came to the school. By the name, I thought it was the CSI school version. Thinking like this, gives me goosebumps. Brrr! Our management leader, who was once our physics teacher, told us the previous day that we should be obeying all the rules of the school for just this one day (perhaps because we NEVER obey them) and that this visit is something important for the school's future as one of the best international school in the world. Sure, that time will be when me and my peers had long gone from the school. We'll be the primitive inhabitants of the futuristic- promising-going-to-be- school. And this CIS visit rumbled my day. I was, at last, being a prefect in the school. Eventhough it's not like a real prefect system, at least I can wander around, confessing I'm in duty, and free myself from the class I dropped. Most of us year 11s are prefects and monitors. Today, the principal said that we're not going to activate the prefect system - only at break times. Oh, no no no! i need to eat at break times.. So I put off my "prefect" badge. The bad thing was I did not know where to go during my free class! So we (me and one of my best friend) decided to stay in physics lab. with my another best friend whose boyfriend was having a class there. We were, as usual, loud and fun, but not as fun as when my other-other best friend is around. We're not completely fun with one of us missing. Then the other year 12s came and played table-tennis on the lab's desk. Later, the class went back to the lab. and we decided to move to chemistry class next door to prevent disruption of their study. When we were "hanging out" in chemistry lab, I found out that my other-other best friend was also having free period. I initiated to fetch her, but then the "monitor" said everyone should stay in the class. I went back empty-handed (like it's something like fetching a very valuable thing LOL). When my bestfriend went to fetch her... wow! She was magically following behind her. IT WAS UNFAIR! the "monitor" did not let her out when I fetch her, yet she allowed my bestfriend to take her away from the class. NOT FAIR!
And then the four of us spent our time in chemistry lab. It wasn't as lively as usual.. it was rather dull. But, what can I do? I can't guess what they were thinking. Life is just mystery.
As we get older.. the more quiet we become. I guess what the elders said about "Quiet means maturity" is right.
Afterall, Thursday should be the most fascinating day of the week. because two days after Thursday are weekends! But... with the presence of physics in the day.. it's just another boring schoolday. I don't know why I don't like physics so much. I just don't have faith in it. I tried my best many times and often ends up with C. I'm just not talented in it. God had created me with strenghts and weaknesses.
And my life continues. What can I get tomorrow? Only God knows.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
25 March 2009, nite.
here is my first post. Actually, i made an account looooong time ago,, yet i have no time to manage it. I have been such a busy person - busy with something stupid - and life is just not as reminding as it should be.
Today had been my bad day, perhaps, because i rarely feel actually annoyed by my surroundings. It is just very weird about me that i don't even understand myself!! When someone asks about how I'm doing.. I feel this i-dont-know-what feeling inside my stomach that is literally not good. but i don't have to be sick to be not fine, right?
Anyway, last night i was sick. I had this flu and I think I am fine now. Unfortunately, the sickness spread to my head and stomach! well.. i took a cold shower before i went to bed and ate donut before eating my proper meal. Ugh! i felt terrible. My head spun like... i dont know. It didn't spin.. it throbbed! ouch, ouch,ouch! it should be because I slept with my head not totally dried up. And my stomach! For God sake, i hate stomachache more than any sickness i ever fell in (except running nose). Evenmore when i sleep! I could not feel any relaxation and it feels better to pop or burst like balloons than suffering the pain of a STOMACHACHE! And... uhhh... to be honest.. really.. it feels waaaaay.. - and i mean it- and waaay better when i dont stop farting until the last blow of the gas gets out of my digestive system. Teehee... funny, but it's real. I don't believe if there's a person who thinks that farting is not comfortable. However, when it happens, sometimes the pain DOES NOT go away. it stabs even sharper and meaner. That's the time when I give up to the pain, close my eyes and roll back and forth, just hoping i would fall asleep soon and the pain dies with it. I happened last night. Hufh... a misery of life.
Another misery : running nose. It is painful socially. When the liquid runs down your nose, and got discovered by the person sitting next to you... what would you do and what would they think?
Not many people are understanding. They feel good when they think that you're disgusting. Thats what I hate the most about running nose. People can't be blamed for this as when you happen to see a person with running nose you would feel better when you DO think they are disgusting. To understand is good, but not when you have to tolerate the sound and the mimic of their face when they clean their noses and when this liquid shows up,lying as a pair of 1s under that someone's nose. You can't burst out to laugh, nor make a disgusted expression on your face.
Funny facts are not always laughable.
So now.. I have to be ready for another stomachache. Because since minutes before, the gases inside my tummy are bumping the spincter muscle down my anus, wanting to break free. I have to surrender to them now.
Today had been my bad day, perhaps, because i rarely feel actually annoyed by my surroundings. It is just very weird about me that i don't even understand myself!! When someone asks about how I'm doing.. I feel this i-dont-know-what feeling inside my stomach that is literally not good. but i don't have to be sick to be not fine, right?
Anyway, last night i was sick. I had this flu and I think I am fine now. Unfortunately, the sickness spread to my head and stomach! well.. i took a cold shower before i went to bed and ate donut before eating my proper meal. Ugh! i felt terrible. My head spun like... i dont know. It didn't spin.. it throbbed! ouch, ouch,ouch! it should be because I slept with my head not totally dried up. And my stomach! For God sake, i hate stomachache more than any sickness i ever fell in (except running nose). Evenmore when i sleep! I could not feel any relaxation and it feels better to pop or burst like balloons than suffering the pain of a STOMACHACHE! And... uhhh... to be honest.. really.. it feels waaaaay.. - and i mean it- and waaay better when i dont stop farting until the last blow of the gas gets out of my digestive system. Teehee... funny, but it's real. I don't believe if there's a person who thinks that farting is not comfortable. However, when it happens, sometimes the pain DOES NOT go away. it stabs even sharper and meaner. That's the time when I give up to the pain, close my eyes and roll back and forth, just hoping i would fall asleep soon and the pain dies with it. I happened last night. Hufh... a misery of life.
Another misery : running nose. It is painful socially. When the liquid runs down your nose, and got discovered by the person sitting next to you... what would you do and what would they think?
Not many people are understanding. They feel good when they think that you're disgusting. Thats what I hate the most about running nose. People can't be blamed for this as when you happen to see a person with running nose you would feel better when you DO think they are disgusting. To understand is good, but not when you have to tolerate the sound and the mimic of their face when they clean their noses and when this liquid shows up,lying as a pair of 1s under that someone's nose. You can't burst out to laugh, nor make a disgusted expression on your face.
Funny facts are not always laughable.
So now.. I have to be ready for another stomachache. Because since minutes before, the gases inside my tummy are bumping the spincter muscle down my anus, wanting to break free. I have to surrender to them now.
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