Dear Past,
How are you? I haven't heard anything from you since we had that fight that tore my heart open. It's been a long long time since I knew you don't have it anymore for me. Since my heart means nothing to you and my sacrifices went invisible.
You may see me happy, I hope you see that, so that you can live your life without the need to worry about me (if you do), who used to depend on you for that one thing I can never succeed being alone. I am happy, yes I do. But then you know I have so many sides in my labyrinth, that use different kinds of chambers in my heart.
Did you know? You used to hate how independent I can be, that I tend to forget that you were by my side. But didn't I use to remind you at all times, that you are still there, and the things I need you for were much bigger than those small problems I did not bother to burden you with. You meant much more than my problem solver. You were the only place I hang my weaknesses to. You were the only place I'm weak at. You were the only place where I am me.
I know that I'm different from your other pasts in some parts. They used to take care of you in all part of your life, while I couldn't. They used to call you all the time and be mad if you haven't call them. That is not very me. Sometimes I wonder, do I have anything better than them when we were still in love?
I really thank you for holding on with me for quite sometime. You are ideal when it comes to romance and relationship thing. I'm still feeling sorry for making you had a difficult time when you were with me. For making you think and feel like you're being taken for granted by me. Maybe I did that without realising. Maybe I said "thank you" less than your other girls.
In some parts, I'm glad you found someone else that can make you happy and be loved in the way you want. Shame it's not me, but I guess we have different ways afterall. But you know this feeling of having something precious to you taken away from you. This feeling of loss is hard to control. Sometimes I really want to smack that girl in the face or throwing you away so that neither I nor her or any other girls can reach you, but then I know that I must haven't love you yet if I still do want that.
If you really love someone you should give them their happiness,right? you would sacrifice your own happiness for them. I don't know if what I'm doing is right, but I am trying to let you go and be with whoever you want to be with. Maybe at the start, I was full of evil plans on how to make her leave you or how to make you leave her but then I am just nobody with that power. Lately I realise even when I felt so full of you, you may not feel the same. We can't force feelings to be same and equal, more when how we do is on different intensities.
It's a lie if I tell you I no longer want to have you in my life, can't we still be friends? Because I miss you. I miss your ways of telling me it's going to be okay, I miss you scolding me for the things I lack of. I miss how persistent you were in telling me how a girl should be.
Sorry, past. I hope this is the last last time I say that word to you because I haven't been able to forgive myself of lacking what you need and I haven't been able to get to the reality that this is what I get from doing such thing to you. Sorry for thinking you are the worst in history.
I wish, this is the last time I have anything in my heart for you. Last thing, I really want to meet you and end it all, . even when it has ended a long time ago. So that I can start again with a brand new empty slot in my heart without feeling miserable for him because I haven't finish everything with you.
Sincerely, Your Past.
How are you? I haven't heard anything from you since we had that fight that tore my heart open. It's been a long long time since I knew you don't have it anymore for me. Since my heart means nothing to you and my sacrifices went invisible.
You may see me happy, I hope you see that, so that you can live your life without the need to worry about me (if you do), who used to depend on you for that one thing I can never succeed being alone. I am happy, yes I do. But then you know I have so many sides in my labyrinth, that use different kinds of chambers in my heart.
Did you know? You used to hate how independent I can be, that I tend to forget that you were by my side. But didn't I use to remind you at all times, that you are still there, and the things I need you for were much bigger than those small problems I did not bother to burden you with. You meant much more than my problem solver. You were the only place I hang my weaknesses to. You were the only place I'm weak at. You were the only place where I am me.
I know that I'm different from your other pasts in some parts. They used to take care of you in all part of your life, while I couldn't. They used to call you all the time and be mad if you haven't call them. That is not very me. Sometimes I wonder, do I have anything better than them when we were still in love?
I really thank you for holding on with me for quite sometime. You are ideal when it comes to romance and relationship thing. I'm still feeling sorry for making you had a difficult time when you were with me. For making you think and feel like you're being taken for granted by me. Maybe I did that without realising. Maybe I said "thank you" less than your other girls.
In some parts, I'm glad you found someone else that can make you happy and be loved in the way you want. Shame it's not me, but I guess we have different ways afterall. But you know this feeling of having something precious to you taken away from you. This feeling of loss is hard to control. Sometimes I really want to smack that girl in the face or throwing you away so that neither I nor her or any other girls can reach you, but then I know that I must haven't love you yet if I still do want that.
If you really love someone you should give them their happiness,right? you would sacrifice your own happiness for them. I don't know if what I'm doing is right, but I am trying to let you go and be with whoever you want to be with. Maybe at the start, I was full of evil plans on how to make her leave you or how to make you leave her but then I am just nobody with that power. Lately I realise even when I felt so full of you, you may not feel the same. We can't force feelings to be same and equal, more when how we do is on different intensities.
It's a lie if I tell you I no longer want to have you in my life, can't we still be friends? Because I miss you. I miss your ways of telling me it's going to be okay, I miss you scolding me for the things I lack of. I miss how persistent you were in telling me how a girl should be.
Sorry, past. I hope this is the last last time I say that word to you because I haven't been able to forgive myself of lacking what you need and I haven't been able to get to the reality that this is what I get from doing such thing to you. Sorry for thinking you are the worst in history.
I wish, this is the last time I have anything in my heart for you. Last thing, I really want to meet you and end it all, . even when it has ended a long time ago. So that I can start again with a brand new empty slot in my heart without feeling miserable for him because I haven't finish everything with you.
Sincerely, Your Past.
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